The basic structure of this meeting is the same as Meeting 1.1 - refer back for more information.
Some issues may have come up during check-in that the group may wish to spend more time on rather than moving straight into the 'focus'; or perhaps some issue is still to be dealt with from the previous week. When it is appropriate the leader moves the group into the main focus for this meeting.
5) The Big Bit in the middle - the leader announces the focus of the meeting
"Unity and group process stands on this foundation stone - agreement. Not only do we work to make agreements, we work to keep agreements, and it would be naive to assume that agreements will never be broken, thus we must also work to enforce agreements."
"We as a group will support group process by making our agreements conscious, by writing them down, and thus committing to be responsible and to be held accountable for what we've agreed to. If we don't, then we are 'avoiding' a very important aspect of men's group work that may eventually lead to the group breaking up because - we haven't done the work of making a strong enough container, ie the road ahead can be a planned conscious route (to some extent), not the dark slippery precipice of our unconscious…".
"Think about it, if we can't agree, or even agree to agree, then moving in any direction as a group becomes impossible; we're ail doing our own thing, moving in our own direction as and when we please - this is a definition of 'separateness', not of group - sitting in the same room together may give the appearance of group, but it will quickly fall apart over one issue or another because there is no commitment to 'agreement'."
Focus: Broken Agreements
Which of our agreements require a response from the group if they're broken? What kinds of responses are available? eg acknowledging action of an agreement being broken (what was said/done) working to discover issue or intent behind/motivation for the action what response is appropriate? Under what circumstances would a man be excluded from group? How?
One of the hardest things a group will take on will be the attempt to recover from broken agreements. What will determine a groups success in this task will be its ability to:
It would be naive to assume that our motivations are always going to be fair and reasonable, whether in a group or elsewhere. This will become apparent when we engage in the agreement making process, each of us wants to ensure that our interests are taken care of. Some men may even attempt to destroy group process (and group) if they don't get their own way, this has happened and will happen again.
Some men may have a cavalier attitude towards agreements, and make and break them as they choose -seemingly with little conscience; others may have a particular issue and may actually be setting up a conflict/confrontation; others may be testing the groups boundaries, seeing what they can get away with, seeing if the agreements are important enough (for you) to defend; maybe he can't trust himself if the other men in the group aren't willing to make the container strong (for him) by defending/enforcing the agreements - ie he's pushing you because he wants you to push back! This is men's work too…
See 1 to 5 above - this extends item 3: Meaningful Responses
If a violation has occurred ask for an amends… eg an apology -